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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Mind
Never
Told
Tell

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
W. C. Fields
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
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I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
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The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields