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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Told
Tell
Mind
Never

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
W. C. Fields
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields