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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Told
Tell
Mind
Never
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
W. C. Fields
Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
I'm searching for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
