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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Except
Drink
Water
Anything
Like
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields