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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Except
Drink
Water
Anything
Like

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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I like children - fried.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields