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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Dining
Stomach
Empty
Believe

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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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