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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Used
Tethered
Steak
Dear
Merely
Horse
Outside
Didn
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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Never work with animals or children.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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