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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Merely
Horse
Outside
Didn
Used
Tethered
Steak
Dear
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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I drink therefore I am.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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