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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Years
Prove
Francisco
Married
Proves
Marriage
Legal
Seen
Destroyed
Fire
Proof
Certificate
Funny
Havens
Certificates
Many
Haven
Earthquake
Great
Aren
Earthquakes
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
