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Never work with animals or children.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Animals
Animal
Children
Work
Never

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
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I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
W. C. Fields
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields