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Never work with animals or children.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Animals
Animal
Children
Work
Never

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. Fields
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields