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Never work with animals or children.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Animals
Animal
Children
Work
Never

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
W. C. Fields
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
W. C. Fields
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
W. C. Fields
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields