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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Doesn
Need
Needs
Men
Time
Intoxicated
Sympathy

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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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