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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Doesn
Need
Needs
Men
Time
Intoxicated
Sympathy
More quotes by W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields