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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Sympathy
Doesn
Need
Needs
Men
Time
Intoxicated
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
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Never work with animals or children.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
