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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Noise
Wine
Couldn
Stand
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
