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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Noise
Wine
Couldn
Stand

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I never met a kid I liked.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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