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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Lucky
Gets
Alive
Funny
Men
World

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields