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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Men
World
Lucky
Gets
Alive
Funny
More quotes by W. C. Fields
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields
What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
