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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Lucky
Gets
Alive
Funny
Men
World
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
W. C. Fields
In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. Fields
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
