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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Around
Knot
Long
Knots
Believe
Neck
Wedding
Necks
Marriage
Funny
Woman
Tying
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. Fields
I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
W. C. Fields
