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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Needs
Witty
Personally
Stay
Age
Funny
Natural
Away
Preservatives
Need
Foods

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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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