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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Need
Foods
Needs
Witty
Personally
Stay
Age
Funny
Natural
Away
Preservatives

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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