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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Natural
Away
Preservatives
Need
Foods
Needs
Witty
Personally
Stay
Age
Funny

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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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