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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Thou
Drinking
Kill
Less
Anything
Shalt
Fifth

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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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I like children - fried.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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