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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Anything
Shalt
Fifth
Thou
Drinking
Kill
Less

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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Never work with animals or children.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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