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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Days
Water
Corkscrew
Lost
Compelled
Live
Afghanistan
Several
Drinking
Wine
Food
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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