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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Pineapple
Pineapples
Juice
Putting
Drinking
Somebody

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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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