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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drinking
Somebody
Pineapple
Pineapples
Juice
Putting
More quotes by W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields