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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Juice
Putting
Drinking
Somebody
Pineapple
Pineapples
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
W. C. Fields
The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields
Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
