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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Pineapple
Pineapples
Juice
Putting
Drinking
Somebody
More quotes by W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
