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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Pineapple
Pineapples
Juice
Putting
Drinking
Somebody

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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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