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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Juice
Putting
Drinking
Somebody
Pineapple
Pineapples
More quotes by W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. Fields
All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
W. C. Fields
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
