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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Somebody
Pineapple
Pineapples
Juice
Putting
Drinking
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. Fields