Quote

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Use
Red
Donated
Great
Cross
Pint
Much
Crosses
Pints
Instruments
Contained
Doctors
Finest
Drinking
Helpful
Blood
Doctor
American
Alcohol
Sterilize

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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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