Quote

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Use
Red
Donated
Great
Cross
Pint
Much
Crosses
Pints
Instruments
Contained
Doctors
Finest
Drinking
Helpful
Blood
Doctor
American
Alcohol
Sterilize

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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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