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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Alcohol
Sterilize
American
Donated
Use
Red
Pint
Great
Cross
Pints
Much
Crosses
Contained
Instruments
Finest
Doctors
Helpful
Drinking
Doctor
Blood

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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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