Quote

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Use
Red
Donated
Great
Cross
Pint
Much
Crosses
Pints
Instruments
Contained
Doctors
Finest
Drinking
Helpful
Blood
Doctor
American
Alcohol
Sterilize

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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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