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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Twelve
Beer
Drinking
Stronger
Anything
Never
Drank

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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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