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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Twelve
Beer
Drinking
Stronger
Anything
Never
Drank

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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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I like children - fried.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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