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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Drank
Twelve
Beer
Drinking
Stronger
Anything
More quotes by W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
