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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Two
Never
Headache
Circus
Headed
Drinking
Boys
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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