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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Headache
Circus
Headed
Drinking
Boys
Two
Never

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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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