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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Fish
Fishes
Drinking
Drink
Water
Never

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I like children - fried.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields