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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Fish
Fishes
Drinking
Drink
Water
Never

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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