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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Less
True
Drinking
Anymore
However
Either
Quite
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
W. C. Fields
Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
W. C. Fields
It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
