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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Moving
Sometimes
Nerves
Steady
Explanation
Drinking
Drink
Months
Move
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields