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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Illusion
Drink
Reality
Occurs
Dues
Beer
Alcohol
Lack
Drinking
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Never work with animals or children.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields
So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
