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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Illusion
Drink
Reality
Occurs
Dues
Beer
Alcohol
Lack
Drinking
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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