Quote

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Dues
Beer
Alcohol
Lack
Drinking
Illusion
Drink
Reality
Occurs

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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields