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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Begin
Asked
Tell
Ends
Ever
Hard
Drinking
Hollywood

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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields