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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Hard
Drinking
Hollywood
Begin
Asked
Tell
Ends
Ever
More quotes by W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I like children - fried.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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