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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Men
Bearded
Beard
Family
Women

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields