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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Searching
Cute
Witty
Humorous
Spent
Bible
Funny
Time
Loopholes

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I drink therefore I am.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
W. C. Fields
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields