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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Searching
Cute
Witty
Humorous
Spent
Bible
Funny
Time
Loopholes
More quotes by W. C. Fields
All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
