Quote

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
May
Enlightened
Xmas
Something
Lazy
Sap
Never
Ignorant
Claus
Asking
Aboriginal
Bring
Bigots
Prayer
Solace
Religious
Santa
Anything
Prayers
Bigot

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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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