Quote

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Bring
Bigots
Prayer
Solace
Religious
Santa
Anything
Prayers
Bigot
May
Enlightened
Xmas
Something
Lazy
Sap
Never
Ignorant
Claus
Asking
Aboriginal

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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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