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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Authority
Age
Give
Best
Advised
Giving
Beer
Attempt
Alcohol
Medical
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
