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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Religion
Alcohol
People
Insane
Driven
Drinking
Quoted
Prove
Hysteria
Wouldn
Reliable
Terrible
Insanity
Religious
Statistics
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
