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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drinking
Quoted
Prove
Hysteria
Wouldn
Reliable
Terrible
Insanity
Religious
Statistics
Religion
Alcohol
People
Insane
Driven
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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