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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Legitimacy
Lawyer
Mom
Question
Mother
Thing

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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I never met a kid I liked.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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