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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Mom
Question
Mother
Thing
Legitimacy
Lawyer

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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